8 Weeks After Miscarriage
8 Weeks Later
I’ve been trying to write the perfect update for y’all, but lately I seem to be at a loss for words. This is my third attempt at doing what I’m great at: writing about personal experiences.
It’s been almost 8 weeks since my miscarriage and I can’t even begin to express how much that experience has changed me as a person, as a wife, as a future mother. It has changed how I love others. How I see God. How I treat myself.
Looking back on the post I wrote about my last day of pregnancy, I realize that I still feel all of those things. Some days I’m okay. Other days I think about how far along I’d be. (I would be 18 weeks on Saturday, the 8th. Almost halfway done.) I think about what I would buy for our baby instead of the heaps of clothes I bought at Northpark over my birthday weekend!
A couple of weeks after my D&C (a procedure some women have to get after a missed miscarriage; learn more here), I found out the cause of the miscarriage as well as the gender.
Our baby had Trisomy 16. (You can read more about that here.)
The form of Trisomy our baby had is incompatible with life. I keep telling myself that she was too good for this world.
Yes! Our baby was a girl!
It made me smile when I found out we had a daughter, because I already knew! I had a feeling!
I told Franklin the entire time that we were having girl and he was in denial.
I kept telling him: I KNOW this baby is a girl!
We took a vacation the first week of September just to bond after everything happened. The miscarriage had an enormous effect on me. I had to learn that the way I grieved wasn’t the same as my husband. This is what causes problems in many marriages after miscarriages. I did not want that to be us.
This trip turned out to be everything we needed. We were able to open up to each other a lot.
Franklin and I even named our daughter.
Her name is Nahara.
It’s Aramaic or Hebrew and means “light.”
(it also means “breakfast” in another language, but that’s okay ’cause breakfast’s my favorite meal of the day! lol!)
I wanted to find a name that meant “light” or “the light,” because my daughter completely changed the way that I see the world. Though I never got a chance to hold her in my arms (I got to hold her every second of her life, and I’ll carry her in my heart for the rest of mine), she changed me.
There’s no way I can be depressed any more, because I have the ability to carry life inside me. I am no longer anxious because I now know what is important. It is not the material things that we possess in this life. I no longer worry about what may or may not happen in life, because I know that at the end of it, God has me. No matter the outcome.
For many of you, this may be common knowledge, but it took us losing this baby to show me what I have just expressed to you.
Though I find it easier to talk about my pregnancy loss with strangers than with my family, I know that I am supported.
In speaking with some of my clients about their own loss, I know all too well the damage it can do to you, your marriage, your relationships.
One of my clients even asked me, “How are you okay?”
I had to ask her to repeat the question, because I had yet to ask myself the same thing.
How am I okay?
When you have a miscarriage, there is no funeral to plan, no phone calls or messages to make sure you’re okay. No one’s bringing you food or trying to help you around the house while you grieve.
And it’s no one’s fault. People usually don’t know what to say unless they’ve been there. And that’s okay.
In this time, I’ve grown closer to God. And I’ve learned about His grace on another level.
This is how I’m okay.
There’s no way on this green Earth that I, of all people, should be doing okay.
And some days I’m not okay, but I have an awesome support system that I can lean on in those times.
Now that it will be 8 weeks on Thursday that I had my D&C, I’ve had my first cycle (I know it’s too much information, but that’s a big deal!) and we’re trying to prepare ourselves mentally and physically to start trying for our rainbow baby!
I’m just asking for your prayers, positive vibes, and baby dust!
As our journey to parenthood continues, I’ll continue to update this page with how everything’s going.
Here’s what’s happening so far: