Our Abstinent Engagement
Hey guys, happy Sunday!
October 1st is our wedding anniversary and November 6th, will be the 2 year anniversary of Franklin’s marriage proposal to me! We were engaged a little over 11 months before we got married and our experience was nothing short of a ride on the Texas Giant. Blindfolded. And inebriated. We learned who our real friends were, gained some really great friends, learned things about our family members, and best of all, we learned a lot about ourselves; individually and as a unit. (You an check out our wedding photos here!)
About halfway through our engagement, 3 months before our wedding, after he got out of the shower, Franklin came into the bedroom, plopped down on the bed, and exhaled basically all of the breath that he had in his chocolate, muscular body. He said, “I think we probably shouldn’t do that anymore. It’s been on me pretty heavily that we should stop, but I never said anything to you about it until today.”
I was feeling the same as growing up, I always told myself that I would wait until I was married to lose my virginity. But, like most people, I didn’t. And you know how when you do something that you know is wrong, but try to clean it up and make it look better than what it is. Yeah. That was me.
At least I waited until I was 21 and I’ll be marrying the only person I’ve ever been with. That’s more than a lot of people can say. That’s what I would tell myself. Essentially my heart was hardened to the conviction that I felt when I first began to do it. But sometimes that conviction did come back, and during our engagement was when it hit me the hardest.
Of course, when you pledge to not do anything, you slip up once.
Okay three times, but who’s counting? And it wasn’t helpful that we lived together! But once we finally decided that we were really gonna stop and put God at the forefront of our relationship and eventually our marriage, then we were finally ready to start our abstinent journey. What made it easier was that we knew that it would only be through God’s strength that we would be able to make it through the rest of our engagement celibate.
A lot of not-so-great things happened to us during our abstinent engagement. Literally, the month that we decided not to engage in intercourse anymore, it seemed as though all hell had broken loose! Clients stopped booking (during busy season), our bank account balances got lower, our phones got turned off 3 times in 3 months, and we barely had money for food.
The last few months of our engagement, our rent was late and we were given eviction notices literally every month of the last 3 months of our engagement. We looked at each other and said, ‘dang, everything in our lives was going great until we decided we were going to try to do the right thing and wait.’
‘God? Is that you playing a trick on us?’
With everything that was going so totally wrong in our lives, it was hard for us to not say screw this, this isn’t working and I’m stressed out! I need it. NOW! We realized that intercourse was really our stress reliever. Aside from that, we had none. Going to the gym didn’t help, venting didn’t help.
But, we had to take a step back and remember that we were doing the right thing. That maybe this was just a test or a challenge for us to remain close to God when we were down and take our problems to Him through prayer. Not to use sex a stress reliever.
We learned other ways of relieving stress and found a lot of ways in which to be intimate with one another. Together, through our premarital class at church, we also learned about God’s perfect plan for sex in a marriage. You can get my take on married sex and if I thought it was different from premarital sex here.
My experience with that transition was pretty interesting. Our abstinent engagement was a builder of character, a tester of steadfastness, and a challenge of our faith. We are obviously happy that it is over and that everything in our lives seems to be moving in a forward, positive direction!
Were you abstinent during your engagement? Why or why not? Do you plan on having an abstinent engagement? I wanna know! Put your answers down in the comments! If you have any questions I’d be happy to answer them for you!
Live Full, Die Empty!